Originally Posted by
flutter 
I almost "BUT I'M AN ARTIST!!!!"'d myself to death..
Some of the best artists I know, find their creativity from a clear head.. It sounds like you've experienced that already so maybe that will help encourage you to live a bit healthier.
As to the original question, you're probably an "or what", maybe not an alcoholic, maybe you are. The obsession and desperate defending of your lifestyle ring pretty true to a lot of us here, I can imagine. It was painful for me to realize that I needed to let it go.. but I had to, to live a much better, more creative, more well intended and honest life. I haven't regretted 'not drinking' yet.. not one morning have I woke up and thought "boy.. I wish I would have gotten drunk last night!". At almost 2 years of sobriety, and recovery now.. I don't grieve the loss of my old "friend" alcohol. I'm more creative and thoughtful than I ever have been. My health, my energy, and my mind are all in sync. My spirit has returned, and I'm ready for every day without the constant burden of "should I drink.. how much should I drink... can I just have two? Of course I can.. ". I do not miss that obsession that you're experiencing.. and I'm sorry you're in the middle of the throws of such an incredible addiction/dependency (whatever you want to call it, outside of total denial).
I'm glad you're here.. I never got myself healthier by continuing to drink.. I never got myself sober by controlling my drinking.. I never achieved this blessed life full of hope and opportunity hanging on to a drug that was sucking the life out of me, for just a measly few more drinks.
Hang in there.. you have a lot to think about. Go back, re-read the responses to your posts, there is a LOT of heart here, and a ton of experience with this stuff. We all thought we were pretty unique at one point.
well i love to drink when listening music or watching photos and artworks, but whenever i tried to make artwork when boozed it never came out as good as when sober.
and for sure the inspiration i get when drunk is no big deal in the end, it's just our brain making it up as it was something amazing when in fact is maybe crap.
and about music : if a certain type of music can only be enjoyed if you're drunk or if you've smoked marijuana or if you've taken pills or acids .. is that music worth your time ? is that something you should even listen or store in a CD ?
most of the music around nowadays if by drunks for drunks and by druggies for druggies.
go in any discoteque and see if you can stand that **** being sober, i can't, and i don't go in a disco since many years in fact.
we must accept being an artist means living by your art's payouts, it has nothing to do with drunkness or drugs or being a hippie or whatever.
art == producing and selling artworks, period.
all i come up when drunk is foggy and weird ideas, never something really good.
i mean maybe some would be interesting working a lot on it, but it's not worth
6-7 big beers or a night out, i can do it sober providing i have a relaxing place to work
in peace... a bottle of water, a sandwich ... i'm ok.