I have been VERY angry, frustrated, and judgmental of the A in my life.
I have labeled him, sought out sites to assess his personality as crazy in some way, chastised him, held myself in higher esteem, acted out in extremely destructive ways, snubbed him, yelled at him, sabotaged our relationship, did exactly the opposite of what he has wanted--even when reasonable--in order to get his goat and frustrate him. I've given him the silent treatment, I've thrown alcohol bottles against the wall.
And the list goes on...I've done a huge list of awful things to him.
The only thing that seems to have helped me, was to examine myself. A really hard look at me. It was one of the most painful, if not the most painful things I have ever done. It was excrucitating. It involved a whole box of tissues over days.
Alcoholics have a problem that we focus on. Do we have problems they focus on? I bet they do, in fact I know they do.
Are his imperfections worse than mine? ha. I don't think so! <---This was the most humbling and enlightening realization.
I may be able to finger-point his problem with alcohol. It was very convenient to do so. I could humiliate and shame him this way. It was much more difficult for him I'm sure to pinpoint some of my problems as something guilty and worthy of public shame, but he managed to find a few.
Alcholics are just people with one specific problem that often others focus on that one issue.
We all have issues. Alcohol is one of theirs. What are ours?