Hi ((Lostdream)) Wish I could say something wonderful, that would help it all make sense - but I can't.
I'm a drunk married to the same, and it hasn't been a very good marriage in the last couple of years. He has hurt me and my daughter in in-measureable ways, specifically with verbal abuse. He's "dry".
What I've had to do, is do the best to take care of me, and it has been a rough road, but I'm sober. I do my best to find happiness in my kids, my Mom, work, school and friends. I've isolated for so many years - that making friends is something I've forced myself to do.
I ask myself "what in the heck are you still doing here?" Guess all I can do, and still do is pray that he will wake up and realize what a sick/mean person he is. If I could leave, I would have many times.
Take care of you. Do what you have to do for your sanity.