Definate progress. I guess it's difficult to go up to a girl you like who's sitting on her own and just go and chat to her. In the past I would never have done it and would have wanted to but not bothered and then just got wrecked and thought 'oh well, never mind'.
Today I just went and spoke to her and to be honest I imagine that's more than a lot of people would do. Who knows the outcome and maybe nothing will come from it other than knowing her name and saying hi at lectures, but maybe not. I put my faith in a higher power or whatever and things will work out if they work out, at least I can see the progress in myself and this is all good.
It's definately all about perception. I know I ain't a bad looking kid and when I am full of confidence then I am pretty confident about my style too, it's different to most as I love bands like Oasis, The verve, Ocean colour scene so always a 90's look to it ie- flared jeans and cords borrowed heavily from late 60's/ early 70's but that's what I love. I'm Ok with me, most of the time.
My perception can often be distorted by my negative allkie head and so at times I have to almost ignore my negative thoughts as i pretty much came to the conclusion that I cannot make an objective judgement, on my appearance in a mirror for example, as it all depends on how I'm feeling. I guess this is like a lot of people though and just general self-confidence stuff.
My head also can shift very quickly from feeling together and strong one minute to having a bit of stress and then feelings of desolation and negative thoughts, again I can ignore these and accept them and they go away. I guess it's just stress and how I deal/feel it. I guess I am very self-aware as I have to be in my recovery so I pick up on stuff that most people probably don't.
Progress, not perfection. But definate progress for me on the 'social' level which is where I am looking to progress. It can feel slow at times but I know I am making progress in a forwards, positive direction and this is all courtesy of my sobriety and recovery.
Peace