FS, I have followed your journey for quite some time. I have been there and I didn't just wake up magically sober one day.....it took me some years of trying and wanting to get sober and stumbling along the way. Point is - I still wanted sobriety and a better life deep in my heart.
I came to SR in January and managed to start out good and even had a few plus months sober. WOW. Never in my life had that and I felt great. Stopped coming to SR and I didn't really work on my recovery. For whatever reason...I began to drink and in a short while I had a bender that almost killed me.
I came back and I haven't left SR (its part of my recovery) and I got face to face support. Now I am enjoying the great things in sobriety because I continue to work in my recovery.
I hope you read through this and come back. There is no fail as long as you have that desire to quit which you do. You just need to find a better way and for some of us it takes time. I look around at my life now and I am happy and sometimes even cry because I had thought so many times when I was drinking that it was hopeless and would never happen for me.
You are no burden my friend. If there is any place where you can share the journey it is here. Been out there drinking for too many years and I know that SR is the only place I found that is a mix of all kinds, at all stages doing different forms of recovery. We get it and we don't judge.
I know this is long winded but I hope you come back and try it different. I believe in you and I hope that you put down the drink and believe in yourself.
We are here. Wish you well FS.