Originally Posted by
Greenfingers 
I suppose if I have to ask the question in the first place, then that would mean I do have some issues with alcohol....
Yeah, you got it in one.
I'm not sure why I keep going back to something that makes me ill, feel terrible guilt, upset my friends, family and partner, embarrasses me and is really detrimental to my health. I cannot do just one or two drinks.
Sounds familiar! The not-knowing-why is actually a part of alcoholism. For me, I was rational and made good decisions in lots of areas of my life, so it didn't make sense to me (or anyone else) that I did what I did when I drank.
He seems to be of the opinion I can drink but I just need to drink less. Why can't he understand I find it hard to limit my drinks and stop myself once I have started?
Because he isn't an alcoholic and hasn't been educated about it. "Normal" drinkers don't get it. As far as their understanding of drinking goes, they may as well be a completely different species!
I have a good job, rent a lovely house, have a job with serious responsibility and in general a good relationship with my boyfriend. I have had periods within my life of significant depression coupled with alcohol and substance misuse, but have always really managed to hold it all together. Without wanting to play the world's smallest violin, life hasn't always been great for me but that's no excuse. More than anything I hate the fact my alcohol misuse and problem drinking turns me into a vicious and verbally and physically abusive woman.
I could have written exactly that at 26, and I wish I had! If you are ready to get help and quit this path, I recommend checking out an AA meeting or some other live and in-person form of help.
It doesn't get better. As a high-functioning alcoholic in my 20s, I never would have believed it could happen to me, but it can and will if you keep drinking -- one by one alcohol will start to take those things away from you (the job, the house, the relationship). In my case, it started with the relationship, but by the end it was chipping away at the rest. I am blessed that I still have my job and my house, but I could have lost them both quick as you can say "DUI".
I have heard of a woman in a similar situation as this who is a doctor; she quit drinking and was holding it all together, but then went back to alcohol after a couple of years. She lost her job and medical license, she lost her house, she lost her partner, and she is now in a halfway house trying to piece her life back together. I am not going to let that be my story.