Originally Posted by
Saliena 
Why did I do that?
Untreated alcoholism. It's the only answer I know that explains it. You are aware of the consequences. You know what could happen if you drink. And yet, there you are, with that strange mental blank spot, picking up a drink.
Maybe consider what you are doing with your sponsor. Are you doing the things outlined in the BB, the things others have done, to bring about a spiritual awakening and freedom from alcohol?