Perception...
When I'm feeling as I like to feel in my sobriety and recovery then I feel like things are possible and I can achieve them if I wish to. Though I am just content in my head so there is no forced desire or anything like that, rather a calmness and peacefulness. This is how I love to feel in my recovery and I like myself the most when I think and feel like this and I think I portray the person I feel I like to portray when I'm like this - optimistic, positive and just generally chilled out and things have a habit of working themselves out without my overly forced self-will.
Conversely when I'm off balance then my perception of myself, life and others can get somewhat depressing and out of reach. The person who was full of confidence, self-esteem and felt the dogs b*llocks (English saying meaning good) feels a million miles away. Nothing has actually changed, only in my head, yet this makes life seem totallly different and more of a burden than a pleasure.
So it's all about perception really and this is why working my recovery daily is so important. It enables me to regain a sense of clarity and perspective on my life and my situation in general. I find that this comes gradually with moments of gratitude, clarity and sense of calmness that seem to come in waves at unexpected moments, like driving in my car thinking or just walking or listening to music. They are great feelings and what make recovery worth it for me personally.
The important thing is to stick with sobriety when the perspective becomes distorted through issues that you have and have to deal with. It can seem like a burden to have to work through sober and put up with the racing thoughts and mental stress but it's so worth it. The rewards truly are priceless. It' so easy to say "the glass is half full as opposed to half empty" but actually truly believing and feeling it, is a different story and so rewarding.
It's also easy to get into the mindset of viewing recovery in terms of a linear increase and this can also cloud perception and make things seem a little depressing. Things may happen and you may meet somebody and lots of things suddenly spark up from there and your life unfolds in lots of directions and ways. As long as you're are in a good place mentally, emotionally and spiritually then this can be embraced and something to have optimism for and hope. That's what active drinking and alcoholic thinking stole from me; a sense of hope.
I love having hope and I hated feeling hopeless.
Peace