Originally Posted by
CatsPajamas 
I came to understand that I couldn't be a part of a healthy marriage because a healthy marriage takes 2 healthy people. I could choose to be healthy, but that still wasn't enough because my partner wasn't healthy and wasn't willing to make some of the necessary choices. I made the decision to work a program of recovery and to become happy, healthy and whole - regardless of what he did.
Detachment meant that I started to disentangle myself from him. I started to see myself as a separate and unique individual. I started to not judge how I felt by how HE felt. I started to accept the responsibility of my own choices and my consequences, but not his. It was all very new and different to me.
Little by little, day by day, things changed. My life got better. His did not.
This is so helpful!
My friend, whom I've know for four months and who's been sober for seven, just fell off the wagon. I've been feeling anxious, sad and overwhelmed. Trying to figure out how to handle this has been difficult. Your post has given me a a real sense of relief.
Thanks for sharing your path to good self-care!