Hi Bliss, Welcome to SR. I'm Deg and I'm an alcoholic too. I'm glad you've found us. You know what the solution is, and by talking about it and explaining how you feel about it to others, it gets clearer in your own mind.
If you've done it before for 15 months, you can do it again - and you will. You'll feel so much better, never have a hangover again for the rest of your life, gain hours otherwise 'lost' every day.
The next time you feel strong and are certain you can stop - don't let that feeling escape as quickly as it usually does - hang on to it as long as you can, and have a really good look at it.
Let us know how you get on - it matters.
Deg.