Thank you, cyranoak. I suspect that I am more controlling than I think I am, and I definitely want to find out how I can deal with it. BF and I had a short conversation last night, it went something like this:
Me: Hey. So, I guess we need to get together so that we can talk about what we're going to do about this (ie- break up, take a break... you get the picture)
BF: Yeah...
Me: I guess we could talk tonight, or not.
BF: It would be nice to have some time to 'not think about it'.
Me: How do you do that? (Not said in a nasty tone, more of a joking tone)
BF: I don't know.
Me: It would be nice to give ourselves some time to avoid having to deal with it! (again, not nasty, but joking.)
Me: Do you want to figure out a day and time that we can talk?
BF: Sure. (not in a nasty/blunt way, but in his 'yes, but you're going to have to make the decision' way... do you know what I mean?)
Me: Well, we could meet tomorrow, or we could wait until Big Event on Saturday is over. Maybe we could talk on Sunday? (Big Event= BF just bought a business and the business is hosting an event on Saturday)
BF: That sounds good.
OK, so sorry for taking you through that VERY boring conversation. But, it's important for many reasons. First, I felt a PROFOUND sense of relief. Relief that he did not sound angry or bitter. Relief that I now have 4 days to myself, I don't have to think about dealing with him or our relationship. I felt lighter when we got off the phone.
The next Alanon meeting in my town is on Wednesday and I plan on going. (I live 45 minutes away from my home, so my schedule is a little tricky, but I'm going to make it work).
Thanks for getting back to me!
Craven