All I can say is I think I am too. I feel numb when there is no drama. And it's almost like I feel I don't have much else to talk about if there isn't any. I do not like this, and think about it often and do not want to be this way. Sorry I have no encouragement or advice, just saying I know how you feel. I am going to Al-anon to try to help, maybe you could try it even if you aren't currently living with active alcoholism?