Annette: I think of you and your difficulties often during the day. The more I think the more I am convinced of the power of the addictive process. When it goes far enough the body literally takes over the mind. The person you are talking to is not the person you knew but is the addiction, the body craving alcohol, desperate to have it since it has had its metabolism, etc. all switched around to deal with it. And so it more or less takes over the mind and this is what the problem is, both for the addict and for anyone dealing with the addict. Most of the time the only way to get out of this predicament involves something very powerful, like an intervention which sends someone to a rehab (and even then this often does not work for long), or some catastrophe which brings an addict to his or her senses. A sense that time has run out or what folks often refer to as reaching a "bottom". My mother spent most of her life trying to "rescue" her kids from themselves. It never worked, only made matters worse. My wife acted as my enabler. And finally, after many many years I somehow came to my senses. But I am convinced that I never would have made it back without the help and support of fellow sufferers. Recovery is, or for me was and continues to be, a group thing. I have many issues about AA in its traditional form but it was there when I needed it. Obviously it's not the only group program and hopefully your son will be able to find one which helps him.
Meanwhile, there's only so much a parent can do and I sense that you've done all you can. You're the best person to make decisions and I'm sure you know you are dealing with something very powerful and dangerous. Every good wish to you all.
Bill