TLG
I am in the position that your XIL's are in. My son is the addict. I work closely with the mother of his son, my grandson. She allows my DH and I to spend time with our grandson and is ok with my son seeing his child as long as we are supervising. HOWEVER, for the last few months, I have not felt that my son is stable and I have suggested to her that it's not in the child's best interest to be subjected to his father right now.
For the last couple of years, we have always supervised any time my AS and his son spend together at his girlfriend's request. I think it is a very reasonable request and I abide by her wishes. She is the mother and currently is the sole responsible parent. Her wishes should be respected.
It's a very sad situation. And an addict wants to blame everyone else for not being able to spend time with the kids........it's just sad.
I feel so very lucky that my grandson has a very good mother who takes such excellent care of him. You are in such a difficult situation but it is quite clear that you are a compassionate person who wants the best for her children.
I will keep you in my prayers.
gentle hugs