Craven,
This is so difficult, I know. I was in a similar situation, but stayed and fast forward 11 years and now we're married with two beautiful daughters (ages 5 and 2). And, here I am. Looking for support and advice about how to leave a man who has chosen alcohol over our relationship over and over and over again. Like your BF, my H is not violent or abusive. He just prefers being drunk over being sober, and would like me to do all the responsible stuff while he enjoys himself and our kids at his convenience.
What I recommend is that you think long and hard about how you will respond to all possible reactions, if you decide to end the relationship. He may be angry, or cry, or bargain or make promises. My experience has been that promises to cut back or quit drinking are very difficult to keep, if they're made for the primary purpose of saving a relationship. And then, once they're broken, what's to be done? If he says he'll quit, does one drink mean you're going to leave him? If he says he'll cut back, how much is too much, and what are the consequences if he doesn't keep to his promise?
Three times now, I have been in the cycle of saying I'm going to leave, and he cries and promises to do better and I stay. Within weeks or months, the drinking is right back to nearly the same level it was at, and I have to muster the courage to again tell him I'm going to leave, and then I'm faced with more tears, anger and promises. It is a miserable limbo to be in. I have some logistical hurdles to work on before I finally feel able to leave, but meanwhile, I will give you this advice: Don't sweat the technical definition of what alcoholism is, high-functioning or otherwise. You have a right and an obligation to yourself to have limits and to know what you're willing to live with. No one and no questionnaire or checklist can define that for you. You have a right to tell him what you need from him, and he has a right to decide if he can give it to you. Don't sell yourself short, and don't settle for less than what you know you need to be happy.
((hugs)) from North Carolina, from a woman who feels you pain and wants you to make better, more deliberate and kind choices than she did. Best of luck, and I hope you stick around and keep us updated.