There are times I think I should stay, just to avoid putting my girls through the pain of divorce, but I can barely even look at this man.
What would the girls learn about healthy adult relationships having a mom who can't stand the sight of their dad? A mom, a mature woman, who is just enduring her marriage? And for their sake?? YUK.
Healthy rational communication sets a good example. If grandparents are trying to poison their minds then you sit down and talk to the girls directly about it: I understand grandma/grandpa are having a hard time with this - and we all WISH it could be different but the REALITY is that dad and I cannot stay married in a healthy way. It is not your fault, and we both love you, and I am always here to talk to you about anything when you need to.
Magical thinking won't make a happy family. And a happy family isn't a perfect mom/dad/house situation - it is the place where children feel safe, and loved and not lied to or manipulated.
Peace!
B