...... I have had a sponsor for about 2.5 years now.. and I have had 18 months clean before. so, yeah.. I don't know about the being depressed, it just seems like since I worked this program before and failed miserably, i'm worried about a repeat of that.. does that make any sense? yeah, nothing is perfect is right, however, I was luckily able to turn some things around in a short amount of time. My sponsor would say lack of gratitude.. as far as how I am feeling right now. probably expecting too much in to little time.. same old story...... drinking feels good and yeah, I will forgot about some of this reality temporarily.......