lavndr16

hi everyone, i'm new here, and after reading alot of the threads, and seeing all of the good advice i thought maybe you could help me too!

i have been dating my boyfriend for a a year and a half, we are both in our middle 20's. He has always had a problem with alcohol, but it did not get bad until about may of this year. The first time i ever saw him at a truely low point was when he had stopped answering his phone or texting for several days, something in my gut told me something was wrong, so i went to his apartment, and found him throwing up in his living room; very dehydrated and had not eaten for days. He was on a binge. He hadnt shown up for work for the past week, I found pans filled to the brim with vomit, vodka bottles everywhere, and my boyfriend looking sicker than i've ever seen him. I am an RN, and i knew that he needed to get help, and fluids, and food. He refused to go to the hospital, but did agree to come to my apartment. This was the first time i had ever seen anyone detoxing off of alcohol. It was a scary eye-opening time for me. I brought him gatorades, and food, and anything i could do to make him comfortable. after about 4 days he began to come back to normal.

This was the cycle all summer. He eventually lost his job, but luckly his dad gave him one at his construction company. He would go 2-3 weeks sober, and go to work, and then relapse and go on binges for a week, in which i would have to go and take him to my apartment and get him sober again. I got to the point that i knew when he wasn't staying at my place, after my 3rd night shift of the week i would have to go pick him up to bring him to my place and start the process over. It was very draining on me, but i never got angry or resented him for it, because i knew that it was not something that would help our situation. I knew he needed rehab, and talked to him about it, but he kept saying that he thought he was strong enough to do it on his own. Being a nurse, i am a very patient and caring person. I never yelled or got angry when he relapsed, but helped him get better, and then tried to plan different activities to go do during the day with him so that it would be easier to stay sober. I admit, i was taking on a lot.

It got to the point that alcohol became what defined him. Not the amazing boy i had first met. His friends would come up to me or call me and ask how he was doing, it was all that was on all of our minds. We knew he needed help, just needed him to admit that too.

his friends, dad and myself had an intervention with him a week ago. and he agreed to residential rehab. He went into detox last friday.
I had a pre planned vacation and left on friday as well, and just got back, so i have not been able to go and see him yet. but we talk on the phone daily.
He is really putting his whole heart into getting better, having an open mind about all the groups and treatments, and i can already see our relationship getting stronger.

But, since he's been in rehab, it's been all that's on my mind. Because i have not yet had the chance to go visit, i feel very out of the loop, and such an outsider on his recovery. This being a major turning point in his life, all i want is to be apart of it, but i'm not sure what he needs from me, and i don't know if he knows yet...I think once i actually go visit,on sunday, it will hopefully help ease my thoughts. It's very hard for me to not be the one that he is leaning on for support. We talk about his groups, and meetings, but it's hard for me to really understand everything that is going on there. Today he text me that he had a very emotionally draining day and that he was talking to some people to help. I think this was my realization that the hardest thing is that, he is turning to other recovering addicts for support, which is great and needed, i understand, but i'm used to being that support and it's hard to give that up. Because this is new to me, i'm not sure how involved i should be in treatment. I know it's something he has to do on his own, but at the same time he wants me there for support. He has talked to a few conselors about my concerns, and they said come visit as often as possible-see what's going on, go to groups, read Al-anon books. I just don't want to be overly involved and give him another stressor on top of recovering. I need to find that balance. I just feel so lost at how i can help, and that's diffucult for me to admit.
But i am going to visit on sunday, and he wants me to go to a family/loved one group. So i am looking forward to that, but wondered if anyone had any suggestions or past expierences that they would like to share?

thank you!