Kiki,
thanks for your post. I will explain a few things that you mention.
He is not fixated on me, i dont think. he has not lived with me all his life, just when others would not let him stay anymore. he stayed with his dad, his sister, his aunt, several of his friends, and a friends ex-wife, in a warehouse that they owned and renovated. He has only once had an apt, and i set him up in that, and paid most of his bills until he lost his job in construction. he missed a few too many days, and they got rid of him.
He is very bright. but drinks . he loves his time on computer so much, that it even came between him and his girl, tho it did not matter to them, they were the party couple. she broke it off, and i think it is cause he drinks. she never liked to be with him when he drank. he does not admit that either.
i think he definately sabotages jobs, and opportunities. so he can be free.
and i do think there is an underlying problem, but he wont go to counselling. i have tried. he is the most stubborn person i have ever known, and most everyone gives up trying to talk to him, for he has a ridiculous system of excuses for every thing that has not done in his life.
I think that the people at the shelter will know that he is not just a lazy alcoholic. they will hear the denial, and they will know something is amiss in his thinking.
i am hoping that his survival instincts will kick in, and he will not be able to just take advantage of someone else. i hope that he will do what he has never done. to make his own plans and not need anyone to force him to do anything.
you are right- he does not want to be homeless. he does not want to be without the computer. he does not want to have to do anything he does not wish to do. but life is not like that, except when you can live with someone and when you can make excuses, and pretend that you are doing all you can. i dont think he even knows how to try hard at anything.
i am sure that they have seen a lot of people like my son. they will know when they talk to him that he has some real denial going. you can hear it in the first 10 minutes of talking to him.
i gotta get away from it tho. i love him so much. he was my first born, and i was a stay home mom. he was my pride and joy. my beautiful smart little boy, who could read simple words at 2 1/2 years old! who scared me one night, coming home late from his job at the video store, when he was 17. he was late, cause he went to get me a rose , for mothers day. i still have it, pressed in my Bible.
i am so angry about alcohol ruining our loved ones lives. i am thankful that some do recover. it is so good to hear of those here, who are recovered, and how thankful that they are to be able to wake up without feeling bad.
i am not sure of how much is my sons sickness and how much is mine anymore. he assures me that i am going off the deep end, by thinking that he is doing something wrong. that the economy is the problem.
i could go on and on, but it doesn't matter - i know that he has been not treating me right here, no matter what excuse he has.
hugs,
chicory