Originally Posted by sarah78

Hey Everyone!

Well I slipped and drank 4 beers Friday night.Yup, I know, stupid. I know why I did and know what I need to do for me in order to not drink again and that is find a way to AA and start working the 12 steps. I KNOW that merely staying sober is not going to work, nor what i am looking for. The thing is, my stupid brain keeps trying to tell me I am not an alcoholic because I don't drink everyday or because I can control it at times etc..but deep down I know the pain it causes me and KNOW I have a problem with it, that is leaving it out of my life-for good.

I didn't really get much of a buzz and honestly in only hurt my stomach so it was sooo pathetically stupid. This evening I am seeing the doc. I think I may ask for a liver function test cause I am sick of worrying about it and know it is driving alot of my anxiety, thus leading to alot of stress in my life.

Friday the day I slipped was an awful day where I craved practically all day long, it was awful. Mental obsession they call it. I need help figuring this all out cause I certainly don't enjoy obsessing about having a few pints all day long, it really sucked. I should of logged on here though and like they say a relapse happens long before the actual drinking does.

So I am sorry for being vacant, but the shame kept me away. Though I did not experience a hangover of any sort and was pretty much sober going to bed that night, I deeply regretted it. I know deep down I want that sober date for keeps, but I think it's going to take much more then just posting here. Though, I am VERY thankful for SR, but after a year of simply only using that, I haven't been able to stay sober.

Ugh I am just soooooooooo sick of being this woman on SR who keeps slipping..I hate being this person. I see all these other folks who started out on here the same time I did and have all these months..It makes me feel like a loser quite honestly. I wish I could get back to CR as well (celebrate recovery) I was doing so much better 2 years ago because I had support. Doing this on your own is soo hard.

Anyways I had to admit this, because I feel like I need to be honest with y'all.

Happy Sober Monday.

Sarah