Chicory, my heart goes out to you and your son, sounds like a very stressful situation that is unmanageable. I have been attending al-anon and it is the best thing i could have done. i was too emeshed in my partner's life that i could not see that my life had disappeared and i became ill with stress as a result. it used to be my priority that my partner stop drinking. now my priority is my serenity at all costs. it is amazing how my attitude has changed but this is thanks to al-anon. People cannot be forced to change, you can only change yourself. It is so easy to get sucked into their drama but you don't need to do that. I made a conscious decision that i won't participate in the drama as i know nothing good comes of it. however, there are days when i slip up but that is okay. i step away from the drama by refusing to engage in arguments or discussions that i know are inflammatory. i try to make sure that i am in good shape mentally and physically so that i can deal with the stress. i go to al-anon, i reach out to friends and most importantly i focus on my life and pamper myself often. guilt is the one thing that hooks me back in and i have to be careful to deal with those feelings otherwise i end up back in the drama. what i have realised is that my partner is very clever and manipulative and knows which buttons to press to get a reaction from me etc. i used to think that because he was drinking that he didn't know what he was doing but i learnt that often he did. unfortunately addicts are users and will do anything to get what they want.
please focus on yourself and take care of yourself, the rest will follow.
hugs