BklynGirl, you are years light ahead of where I was when going through something similar. I am sure you will find someone with whom you can grow.
Also, are you going to a therapist? mine says codependence is just like alcoholism, in that AA/ Al anon is maintenance, but real change is made through therapy. Just like dry drunks codies can be "dry codies".
Just my two cents. You are going to feel so much better in a short time! I am really glad you are asking for help.
That takes guts.