I am so sincerely sorry HurtingAgain. I know exactly how you are feeling and have felt and said the same things myself, about several different people. For me, it all starts with my Dad who is exactly like the person you are married to. He is one great guy, who is the sweetest, kindest, most loving, caring, funny person you have EVER met. He would literally give you his last possession on earth. But he is a mean, nasty, irresponsible, fall-down drunk. They really ARE two different people.
But listen, I know you are terrified. I know that feeling and I have felt that feeling and I promise you, if you work a program, and you start surrounding yourself with supportive people who have nothing to gain from using you, and you start really focusing on yourself and making your life better, it WILL get so much better and you will no longer be terrified.