Hi Lilly,
sounds like you are doing the right things to address this - good luck.
I've spent much of my life justifying my drinking to myself - the truth is just one drink always sends me to the same place, sooner or later.
I'm 36 now and have wasted so many opportunities. I wish more than anything that I had stopped drinking when I first arrived in AA at the age of 22.
There is no glamour in a drinking alcoholic.
Much love,
SM