Namaste, Namaste
I think for me I made things more complicated than they really were. It took me a long time to realize that no matter how I tried I just couldn't control the amount that I drank. I think I drove myself a little crazy with failure after failure to "drink normally" again. I feel like I tried everything to do so.
In long hindsight I wish I had just accepted sooner what experience kept teaching me: I could either drink to excess or not drink at all. The kind of drinking I wanted (a few beers or a glass of wine here and there) probably was not really worth the hassle of all the struggles I was going through to get there.
I hope you will find AA helpful. This forum is great, but there's nothing like hearing peoples' experiences face to face.
Good luck to you. If you choose sobriety I promise that in time clarity will come.
-Isa