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Hi everyone,
I guess I just need some advice on where to go from here.
I started drinking when I was 14. Although it seemed harmless at the time, I look back and think this is where the problem started. I used to drink so much, usually hard alcohol, that I'd be violently sick and I'd wake up in the mornings with a horrible migraine headache. I was so drunk at a party my senior year of high school, that when the police came and breathilized everyone, I asked the cop "Did I win?". Needless to say, I won with a BA of 2.40. I don't think I understood this wasn't normal drinking behavior.
I went to college and started going to frat parties and to the bars with my fake id. Once again I'd drink so much that I continuously embarrassed myself, made very bad decisions, and got kicked out of bars because I couldn't stand. At this point though, I never got sick from alcohol, just the horrible headache in the morning. My drinking has never affected my school work or my career plans, so I think it was hard for me to admit maybe I had a problem.
Now that I have graduated from college, I still find myself doing the same self destructive things. I've realized that although I don't drink every day, I can not have just one drink. One drink leads to another and another and another, etc. I can't be in the same place where people are drinking and not feel uncomfortable or agitated if I am still waiting for a drink. I tried switching to just wine thinking that maybe that would help, but normal people probably don't drink 2 bottles of wine by themselves. I went on a date Saturday night with a really nice guy, and ended up drinking so much that I blacked out and he probably thinks I'm a lunatic and never wants to talk to me again. I am so embarrassed.
Ahh, I just don't know what to do. I started seeing a counselor a few weeks ago thinking that maybe I could just cut down on my drinking, but that doesn't seem to be working. I went to my first AA meeting last night and I think I will try it again. If anyone has any advice, that would be great. I just think its going to be so hard not drinking at the age I am at. I want to stop, I'm tired of waking up in the morning and wanting to dig a hole, climb in, and never get out.