d. m. NOT
Hi and welcome, even through I am late.
Sounds to me like you could use a gaint hug, so one is on the way.
Hopefully you will give yourself the gift of continuing with the meetings. You may not realize it yet but you sound to me like your on your way to recovery.
Those of us who live or have lived with alcoholism certainly understand the good, bad and the ugly behavior. I had to learn the hard way to let it stay their behavior and not become a part of that dance. It hard at times but since there are no mistakes in God's world you are doing pretty well. Once awareness on our part enters we then have the knowledge needed for us to change the things we can, our selves.
Keep posting and look for some fun things you can do on the week-ends. There's no law that says you need to stay at home by yourself unless you make one. I know there are a lot of meetings in your area and there are also a lot of others who are looking for someone to spend time with.
Love and prayers from one who cares.