One of the traits of codependents is we live with the illusion that those who have hurt us can be saved. Just like we do in a disruptive childhood, we perform to please in an effort to get those who have damaged us to change their ways. When the change we want is not forthcoming, and our loved one's do not live up to our needs, we turn our disappointment and anger inwardly and invalidate our worth.
I have read numerous posts from codependents and enablers who think their lives will be magically fulfilling if only their love one quit drinking or if they dump their current alcoholic and start another relationship, unfortunately, unless we are willing to work on ourselves by either a recovery program or through individual therapy, we are just allowing the cycle of alcoholism to continue. One of the things about maladaptive human behavior is that it tends to repeat itself. The essence of healthy change is not doing the same things repeatedly that do not work. We must be creative in our quest for new thinking and behavior if we are to recover from the wreckage of our relationships.
We need to see our lives through a new prism. We have accepted the shame by those who had no capacity to meet our needs. We need to let go of the need to try to fix our relationships that are irreparably damaged. We need to begin processing the truth that our self-identity is in no way connected to other's evaluation of us.
When we surrender to our higher power, the journey begins.
A journey of a 1,000 miles begins with the first step!
Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problems at once.
Through our own recovery programs, we have come to "expect miracles"!