"it is possible if you step even further back, that that will assist him in hitting his bottom and getting serious about his own recovery."
Yes, it is totally possible that my stepping back and his girlfriend being away for a couple of weeks has assisted him in hitting his bottom. I knew things were getting bad for him....I could tell over the last couple of months. Stepping back was difficult for me...but I did step back. I spoke to him about the kids, but nothing else. Told him I was working on myself and wanted contact to be limited to discussion regarding the kids and visitation. I know I weakened with his admission of feeling suicidal. I realize that he may have sent that email knowing full well that I would have to respond to it. I allowed myself to be manipulated again and now I have to find a way to step back. Again.
I guess I have another question then. If I am able to step back and have no contact and he continues to work on his recovery, how will I actually know if he's getting better? He needs to prove he can be trusted eventually with the boys, but how do I accomplish that with no contact? I really do want to ensure my children's safety.