I admit I have generally made more of an effort than he has as far as making sure my oldest son maintains a relationship with him. I realized it was not helping about a year ago and decided to stop pushing it. Maybe I'm guilty of thinking the boys should be the most important thing in his life because they are so important to me. Only he can choose what he'll fight for and what he won't.
It's odd really....unlike so many stories on here my X never gives me any issues whatsoever about support. He pays a fairly large amount every month...the money is set up to transfer between accounts with every pay and he always agrees to the split for every extra curricular activity I suggest....Today he called me at work from the treatment centre to update me and tell me how well he's doing and how much he thinks he'll get out of it. I'm sure talking to him is probably not the right thing to do, but I really do hope he gets what he needs from this treatment. Anyway, I said that I hope he has success this time and that I sincerely hope this was his bottom (contemplating suicide). He replies by saying that losing his job would be his bottom, but agreed that his frame of mind was extreme so he got help. I'm dumbfounded. Believe me when I say I DO NOT want him to lose his job. This would affect myself and the kids as well, and I have had some concerns about that lately. However, a job is just that....a job. I was laid off in June 2009 for a few months, and while it was tough I could not imagine comparing losing my job to losing my kids...I just don't get it. I guess some people think they are measured by their job/income/status. At the end of this life I hope I'm remembered for things completely unrelated to my job. I want to be remembered as a loving caring Mother, Grandmother, Friend, Daughter, Partner.
I am guilty of wanting to make things easier for everyone. I know this is something I need to work on in my recovery. I don't ever want to feel like I kept the kids from him....but perhaps I am worrying too much about that. He's had opportunities to see them that he shrugged off to sit alone in his apartment with his bottle. I shouldn't break my boundaries for him at his first sign of getting help, and I have. I thank you for helping me see that. I'm sure I'll make more mistakes along the way.....hopefully I just keep learning as I go.