I'm sorry you are feeling so blue.
I had/have those times when my heart catches up to things my brain already knew.
I read the three act play so many times when I first came here. I printed it out and read it before bed or when I'd wake up in the middle of the night. One time I read it between my xah's all night rants when he left for more beer probably. It was a shift in thinking for sure.
You are making steps to getting better. It is a rough path at times. Wishing you a sound nights sleep tonight and a bit of sun in the morning.