And, FWIW, gr8, two years ago, my youngest would have soon spit at me as look at me and now, we are closer than we have ever been in her life. The truth is, as everyone has said, recovery is a process and I think that there are certain stages that we must go through in order to deal with the next one. This may a sort of purge state for you. We DO have to face our pasts in order to move forward. But I think that we can move beyond our pasts. Like others have said, hang on, talk to someone, go to AA or another recovery group. It gets better. It really does.