Really great feedback everyone. I appreciate it.
The one crazy thing for me is that if I never walked in on her drinking I never would have known! Most people (the very limited I've been able to connect with to date) seem to have had significant others that get wasted at home and be openly drunk. This has not been the case for me. Our life has been relative bliss to date. Just another layer of complexity I'm having a hard time rationalizing.
I think one of the reasons the tension is so palpable is that the realization (at least for myself) is so fresh. Truth be known - after my father passed away I dealt with panic attacks and anxiety issues for a few years. In going to therapy I have learned to "not sweat the small stuff" and there's not much that gets me rattled these days. She knows this about me, and the fact that she's seen me as upset as I have been and is still in denial really hurts.
I've been listing to a book on tape - "Codependent No More". I related to a lot that was said. The one thing that I did not connect with is how a codependent can have a low sense of self-esteem and self-worth. I think that we have lived in bliss together and I didn't know she was drinking has helped me maintain my sense of self-worth.
The one thing therapy taught me was to love myself. I have a successful business, good friends, make good money, and I feel that I have a lot to offer.
A fear that I have is that I will not have the patience to tolerate the denial. I almost feel like in order for me to tolerate it I need to be in denial myself. Again, this is something I can not do. It is very difficult for me to suppress feelings or pretend like everything is all OK. I don't know - it's all happened so soon. Part of me feels like I'm being cold, but another part of me says I don't deserve this.