a hypocrite? no. just a human being.
I agree with
Beth.
You are astoundingly self-aware
I agree here too, very much so.
MissB, you are doing EXCELLENT! Can you see how all the chaos and problems you have been going through with XABF and AF recently have stirred you to become more aware of what you are doing in your life? To look and think deeply within yourself? This self-realization that you seem to have a problem with alcohol may be just the lesson the experience with XABF was meant to teach you about yourself at this time in your life. So don't be scared and don't beat yourself up, because those things only distract you from the REAL lesson you are meant to learn.
You seem to me to be a VERY mature and responsible 21-year old! When I discovered that I had a problem with alcohol at age 29 (someone I trusted and looked up to pointed it out to me and it did not take much effort on his part to convince me, he had only to give me a few examples of my behavior like you did in your post), I immediately accepted it because I very strongly did NOT want to be ANYTHING like my Dad (who was and is unquestionably a severe alcoholic). As soon as I realized it was a problem, I stopped drinking. It really was very easy for me to quit; I just stopped hanging out with my so-called "friends" (and later learned that NONE of them were my friends) and I stopped buying it. Soon after, I got into Recovery. Since then (over a 14 year timespan) I have lapsed and relapsed several times but I have found my way.
And you will find your way too
MissB. You just keep having that open mind that you have and keep talking about everything and sharing. Don't let fear shut that down. Keep doing what you are doing!!
