mygirlchandler

Please look into your EAP if you are not comfortable talking with your manager at first. There could be a very good and viable option that you don't know about.

I work in a large company but a very small team. Everyone knew that I was suffering. Everyone cared but didn't know what to do.

Like you, I'd missed days being sick (anxiety/depression). They could tell that I was really really in a bad place.

One morning, after a horrible weekend of Xanax withdrawl, I just called in sick and checked into detox. I was there for 5 days. My husband told my boss I was sick. No questions, just kind offers of prayers and support.

When I got back, I knew I'd have to right myself after being in a serious episode of depression and severe anxiety and panic attacks. My boss approached me one morning about other people in our department noticing my lack of functionality... and could I provide a doctor's statement clearing me for work? It was at that time I told him about my time in detox and recovery. I was shaking and crying. He was so impressed with me... that I did such a hard thing AND trusted him with it.

He has seen my improvement, and the fact that I'm back to my very capable and functioning self. I'm ME again, and it's clear to everyone.

I even told my close team members. They were proud of me and VERY supportive.

Honestly, I don't give a **** about people knowing. If one other person realizes that if someone like me has struggles with anxiety/depression/chemical dependancy and got help, maybe they can too. I am a testament, not an embarassement.

I don't even spend time thinking about if other people knew or found out. So what? If that changes their opinion of me in a negative way, then that's NOT my problem because I'm the one who did a big huge thing for myself.

I bet your boss and your coworkers have a sense that you are struggling. Research your options for inpatient detox and recovery. Try to do it on a long weekend where you only have to take a few days off. I went and came right back to work. I was there for 5 days, the medical detox is the only way to go. You will have constant care from the psychiatrist, PA, nurses, therapists, and other people in recovery. You will not have to suffer AT ALL. You will be with people like you, people who understand you, and people that can help you rise up from suffering, guilt, sadness, hoplessness, and anxiety.

By the way, the cost for my 5 day treatment was $5000. So far, I've gotten a bill for $348. Insurance has picked up most of the cost.

Good luck to you, keep talking it through... come here when you need to talk! You can do it!