Originally Posted by
steve1840 
i am afraid to let go. i am afraid to move forward. one of my friend's equates it to suvivor's guilt and i cannot disagree. if i move forward i leave her behind. for some reason, i feel guilty about that.
...i guess it relates to me taking so long to overcome my own addictions and stuff that i have never known what life is like as a normal functioning person. there was the drama/trauma of youth, addiction, college, addiction, grad school, addiction, addiction replaced with codependency. i don't know anything else in some ways.
It's like a ragged dirty blanket that we continue to drag around long after it has served its purpose, Steve.
I get that. I really do.
I had survivor's guilt for many years after I left my EXAH. I'd ask why did I embrace recovery and yet he didn't get it?
My comfort zone was always living with dysfunction in my life. When I finally addressed my own addictions to alcohol/drugs, I still chose to seek out unhealthy relationships for a long time.
The only way to get past the fear is to walk through it.
Change is uncomfortable, but
the discomfort will not kill you.
I'm currently working on undoing a lifetime of bad eating habits through a nutritional class. My triglycerides are extremely high, my bad cholesterol is up too. It's uncomfortable to do something different, but I'm sticking with it, one day at a time. I don't want to shorten my life anymore than I already have.