reluctantly moving forward
while trying to understand things about what i am doing/not doing i realized something-
i am afraid to let go. i am afraid to move forward. one of my friend's equates it to suvivor's guilt and i cannot disagree. if i move forward i leave her behind. for some reason, i feel guilty about that.
i'll take a couple steps forward, then turn around and take a couple steps back to where i started. it's like for some reason I am comforatable being in this quagmire that i do not want to be in. i guess it relates to me taking so long to overcome my own addictions and stuff that i have never known what life is like as a normal functioning person. there was the drama/trauma of youth, addiction, college, addiction, grad school, addiction, addiction replaced with codependency. i don't know anything else in some ways.