Intro & the things I'd like to say to BIL
I am the SIL of an active addict (alcohol and prescription drugs). AS you can see by my screen name I believe that my sister deserves so much better than the hand she has been dealt.
My sister is a wonderful, caring, giving, talented, social, and intelligent wife, mother, and sister who is active in her church and community as a volunteer and who is completely dedicated to her family (AH included). Her AH is crushing her spirit with his actions and words and it KILLS me to see it happening and to feel so helpless to do anything about it. Her AH is also fast-tracking his spiral toward losing ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING for them and I so wish I had a life preserver I could throw her to get her (and their kids) out of the situation, but I don't.
There are so many things I really desperately want to say to BIL. I have not talked with him about his problems at all since I learned of them. On the one hand I tell myself it is none of my business and not my place to talk to him about it, but on the other hand I have an incredible urge to say something (well actually a lot of things). I know deep down that my words would not change him. I understand that he is no longer a rational person and that trying to reason with him is pointless. I also know that he would likely not "hear" my words as I would intend them due to his warped "reality". But yet I still feel the need to write him a letter or an e-mail or to go over there to talk with him.
What is a SIL to do? Am I supposed to sit by and ignore the pink elephant? It feels incredibly fake to me to be around him and act like life is peachy and to let him act like life is peachy. The smiles he gives when everyone is around make me want to slap him sometimes. I would never do it, but it is how I feel.
I guess the bottom line is that my sister deserves better and I am not sure that he can ever be better. I know that people can and do recover ... but so far I can't see him ever getting there.
I look forward to reading posts and learning from the experience and wisdom of those who have been-there-done-that. Thanks in advance for any advice or thoughts you can share.