Originally Posted by
evenkeel 
Thank you. I needed to hear this. I try to remember this on my own. It's really hard when I "see" that things are better but fail to recognize that improvement in one area doesn't imply improvement in them all, though. I need to get over the idea that if other things improve then I should/can/will learn to live with the alcohol. I've definitely accepted that alcohol will always have a place in her life. I haven't quite gotten it through my head that it will always affect the me and the boys, though.
Oh I understand. I totally get it. I'm not sure there is anything that can be shared that will help you with the shift from living in the wishful thinking place to the reality place. This is the spot that we all just have to get to.
But I will share.
I had two realities in my head. One was the dream I had of us as a family. I was determined that I had the power to make that dream happen. The other was the real reality of living with an alcoholic. A combination of things brought me to the realization you are struggling with. They speak about alcoholics having a bottom. I discovered that spouses have theirs too. I hit mine. The dream/reality juxtaposition led to massive denial and crashing down of boundaries. My boys were also getting older and my husbands drinking was progressing and that was certainly not the model I wanted for my kids. The drinking was progressing and there was less good and more bad. I suddenly saw what I was accepting in my life and how far that was from what I found acceptable 15 years before. It dawned on me that I had issues. (co-dependent) I began to investigate those. (read books, alanon, and SR) That helped me immensly. I also had a counselor very briefly that was extremely helpful.