missphit

but i have no choice anymore. I trust nothing that is coming out of the alcoholics mouth. he said he's been going to meetings for about 3 weeks now, but that means nothing to me because i realize that has happened over and over and over again for the past 20 years, off and on.
My detachment feels like i just don't really care what he does, nor should I because i have enough on my plate right now, trying to pack and get my things together, taking care that all my paperwork is in order, selling what i can to get money to be able to search for work and pay for my move and trying to avoid any confrontations, or attacks while the alcoholic (who is currently underfoot to show how "good" he can be) attempts to be friendly and helpful. Is it wrong for me not to want to have anything to do with him? is that unkind? not that I care to alter how i feel for him...i'm just wondering if I should question my way to protect myself personally. I know when i try to respond to anything he says, he jumps down my throat, so i've begun one word answers of yes, no, or I don't know, and leave it at that. it feels so odd to me, but i know it is safest for me too.
I have an underlying anger that i can't shake right now, but i think it is healthy for me, so i can continue to pack and get the eff out of here!! i can't wait to be gone and away and be able to breathe without worrying that anything i say will spark a nasty, sharp response from an alcoholic in the throws of trying not to drink....i've been there too many times. I wonder if i should try to stop remembering what that was like, but i honestly think it is good to keep myself removed and separate even if it does feel cold and uncaring, because i honestly don't care to fight anymore. there is no more "dancing the alkie dance" left in me! I just want out and i'm doing it, finally...i'm so excited and i have to keep it to myself....can't wait to leave....it's coming quickly but certainly not fast enough! Is it wrong for me to feel like i just don't care anymore what he is feeling? or have any interest when he tells me things about what he is doing to try to chase sobriety? I could care less.....really *holding up hand* talk to the paw because the ears don't care anymore!! I feel like he is trying to manipulate me and i'm laughing inside because it is just pissing me off that he is so fake and can't be honest.....it is really helping me get out of here and it won't come soon enough!!! I am so grateful for finally realizing that i have to go and going!! I look forward to my own space, without anyone making me walk on eggshells....i think i'll need that space to heal and maybe then my feelings will become more balanced? that makes more sense to me, not that i want to give in, i don't, but i don't want to feel like i'm callous and mean, becuase that is not my way......time...i need time to heal, does that sound right?
thanks for letting me vent!