Originally Posted by
thumper 
her behavior is not surprising at all. She is choosing alcohol. She chooses places with alcohol, activities with alcohol, people that drink alochol, etc., over everything else. She is drawn like a magnet. She is doing things that put her kids in danger, that are not in her best interests, that are not in the best interest of your marraige. This is what alcoholics do. Expect it. She is lying. She is saying what you want to hear to keep the peace, makes some feeble attempts at following through to keep the status quo, and then does exactly what alcoholis do. listen to the actions, not the words. this is it. this is the very very best behavior you'll ever get out of her as long as she is in active addiction.
you can let it go, ignore it, justify it, agonize over it, rage at it, accomidate it, make big and small (but useless) attempts at trying to control it - but none of it will change what she does - which is exactly what she is doing - which is what you should expect.
wishing you the best as i know this is a hard spot to be in.
I was trying to pick out the high points of
Thumpers post to highlight. Upon rereading it, they are ALL high points. Not one single wasted word or thought.
Alcoholism is PROGRESSIVE, today is as good as it will get, it's down hill from here. We have ALL been exactly where you are, stuck.
I got to a point where I had to decide whether to continue trying to save my GROWN 36yo alcoholic wife, who btw didn't then, or now 4 years later, want to be saved, at the expense of my 5 yo daughter
OR save my precious 5yo daughter who DID deserve/want to be saved, from her own mom.
Saving a minor child from their own mother is a concept that I still have trouble wrapping my head around. I think that that may be one reason why it seems to take us men so long to finally act. It just defies all we've ever been taught our whole lives.
I thought a mother's love was the strongest thing on earth. Well I'm here to tell you, from my own personal experience, that a mothers love pales in comparison to the power of alcoholism.
And you know, I'm finally over my mad at my daughter's mom, 'cause I know choosing alcohol over her own precious daughter has to kill her a little bit every day. But I am absolutely powerless to do anything about that.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote