Chops, I've only recently been able to make posts like that and mean them. I might have said stuff like that in the past but it would have only been half-true. ......and don't get me wrong, I have plennnnnnnnnnty of times where I hate my life and hate myself. It's not always a bed of roses.
Sometimes, I start the day out great but within an hour or so I'm nervous, worried, feeling like a failure, feeling like a fraud, convinced I never really will amount to anything, etc. Full of doubt, fear, and resentment. I've learned that's just my psyche (or ego, as some like to call it) bucking this new way of life. I'm still not 100% accustomed to looking for the positives, not focusing on myself but on others, or being thankful for what I have when I really want to throw a temper tantrum over the stuff I don't have (but am DAMN sure I deserve...lol).
Some days....they're just great, yanno. I'm in a good mindset, I'm a "glass half full" guy all day, I do my stuff and help others along the way........and everything ends wonderfully. Other days......well.......they're not so good. MY thinking used to focus on those "off" days and, especially if I caught myself in the middle of one of those bad days, decide I'm a piece of sh**, and then I'd be off spinning into another death-spiral of shame.
I think it just takes practice......and time. I spent probably my ENTIRE first 2 1/2 - 3 years reeeeeeeeally mad at myself for "not getting this stuff faster." Every time I'd catch myself in a resentment, being afraid, retaking the reigns of my life, or not "getting" something in the book that I felt I should have already understood and incorporated into my life, I'd get down on myself.
Long story short, I had to surrender control of my path in sobriety too. I had believed that IF I did these steps I'd get all this stuff....and some of the stuff was missing.....and I was mad as hell about it. Once I surrendered though (ie. Step one for about the 100th time - lol) that stuff started to happen.
...It was like God waited until I gave up trying - and, for now, I think that's what He did. See, I think He knew I was "using" the steps with secretive selfish motives. The only reason I was doing a lot of the stuff I was doing was because I felt AA was a tool to use to GET me happy. I missed that section (well, just disregarded it) that says something about/like (I looked and looked but can't find it right now) my recovery can serve as evidence to those around me of His power and His grace.