Meblonde, I know what you're talking about, and I sympathize. Here are my rules:
- I won't sit in bars or go to places where drinking is the main event. I will, however, drop off my husband and pick him up when he's ready to come home.
Example: My husband is going to an event at a local micro-brewery. This event includes dinner, a commemorative beer stein, and all the beer you can drink. When my husband mentioned it, I suggested he invite one of his friends and said I'd drive them.
- I don't mind if people come to my house for a drink. As long as my guests are respectful to me, I hang around and visit. If it turns into an interrogation about why I'm not drinking, I think of an errand I need to run that just can't wait.
Example: My husband is into homebrewing. He has a friend who comes by about once a week to drink homemade beer. Sometimes the guy gets a little tipsy, but he's always so nice to me. He never shoves his drinking in my face or belittles me for not drinking. He brings me fancy coffees and desserts to try. He babysits my dog when I'm out of town. His visits are pleasant to me.
- I never complain or act judgmental about my husband's drinking. My drinking problem is my drinking problem. It has no bearing on anybody else. I think I'm not being a stick in the mud. If my husband disagrees, I don't know what I can do differently.
If your husband is not an alcoholic, but understands that you are, it is likely he'll sympathize with your struggle. I recommend honesty. When you feel uncomfortable, speak up.
When I am uncomfortable, I just change what I am doing. If that means leaving my house for a cup of coffee or some people watching at the mall, I do it. If that means telling my husband I won't go in the liquor store to buy his booze or won't sit in a bar with him, I do it. I make a point not ask anyone else to change. I do what I can to ensure my husband can still enjoy his drink -- while not endangering my sanity.
Everybody has his or her own way of making it work, though. There is a book put out by AA called
Living Sober. In this book is a chapter specifically devoted to being sober in a world full of drinkers. Educate yourself. Have a support system and a backup plan in place. Know your limits.
And, remember, you'll learn as you go. I've been at this sobriety business for 2 years and 9 months. I still learn something new almost every day.