:codiepolice
My brother did to me what your EX is doing to you and I would automatically become frantic and think "My fault" or "I can help" or "I can fix this if I just _____". Go ahead and fill in the blank with every imaginable "help" you can think of that a person can do for another person for 15 years. What I had to do when in your position (with several different people but I was the worst with my brother) was decide once and for all that I am not going to do this any more. I had to resolve the following:
Next time he calls, hang up the phone before listening to anything he has to say. Every word out of his mouth is poison to you.
Lose the guilt hon. It's not your business, it's not your fault, and you do not have that much power.