tjp613

Is it really relevant whether or not I'm a textbook alcoholic? Why is the answer to that question bugging me so much?

I've read the Big Book, reading Under the Influence, done tons of other research since my son is an addict, posted and read here on SR like a maniac, even attended a couple of AA meetings....and I can't decide if I'm an alcoholic or not.

I'm 52 years old.I decided I wanted to stop drinking because I've drank "heavily" since 1977 (heavily meaning 10-20 drinks/week). I don't crave it during the day, never had a DUI (by the grace of God), never been told I drink too much, or that it caused problem in my relationships. As I get older, my drinking has decreased, NOT increased, but the after-affects are more difficult to overcome now.

I've never tried to quit before. I decided to quit now because I was tired of making an ass of myself when I had too much to drink. I was making sloppy parenting decisions with my 16 year old daughter. I hate hangovers. I wanted to quit to see if I could! That's basically it.

So when it came time to NOT drink, that's when I realized I had a "problem". I wanted to drink!! I WANT to sit with a girlfriend over 2-3 glasses of wine. I can't seem to say NO when someone 'insists' that I have a cocktail! When I get stressed, the first thing I think about is "Gawd, I want a drink." So there's my red flag. In the last 4-5 weeks, I haven't strung together more than 6 days sober...but I didn't get drunk either...just had a couple of glasses of wine.

I don't really feel like I belong in AA because I'm not like 'them' (yeah, I know)... but I do "have the desire to stop drinking" which is all that is required for membership, right? I just don't feel like I can relate to much of what is being shared in meetings.

ES&H please?