hi chicory-
i'm wondering, have you taken any steps for your own recovery? like going to an alanon meeting or getting yourself a therapist?
recovery is like peeling an onion...it isn't done in one day...it is something we commit to in order to get healthy ourselves...
and as we get healthy, we learn how to put into place boundaries with our alcoholics...
things change because WE change...
from reading your post, it appears you are waiting for him to change...
try turning that around and work on your own recovery...
naive