I just wanted to add that for me when I've relapsed it has not put me spiraling back into my worst drunken phase. In relapse I've actually drunk less. But what it has done is rob me of my drive to get better. I'm amazed that just a few drinks later and I'm back feeling apathetic about recovery. I'm just BACK in that 'oh just tonight won't hurt' humdrum ambling through life with blinkers on.
This real clarity of mind I have right now. Just - gone.