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Old 10-07-2010, 03:25 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
LexieCat
A work in progress
 
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Yeah,

Boundaries aren't the same as electric fences (lol, though a lot of us have probably fantasized about the electric-shock collar from time to time...). The idea isn't to "train" or to "punish" her for her drinking, it is simply allowing her to be responsible for it, and for its NATURAL consequences. (E.g., if she is drunk/under the influence she can't take the children anywhere.)

I don't think, for example, it is fair to withhold all money from her lest she spend it on booze. But if she cannot be responsible with the money, you might have to decide what's discretionary spending and if she chooses to spend it on booze rather than lattes or lunch with the girls, that's her choice. You may have to hold the household purse strings, but by the same token she should be entitled to some discretionary money.

Separate accounts might be the answer, I don't know. This is an art, not a science. She is an adult, not a child, even though she may be behaving like one.
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