I'm sorry you are in such a difficult position. I wast here, as most of us were, for a long time. ETA: Bernadette and I cross posted or I may have just good posted her
I was also way overly focused on his reactions - so much so I honestly didn't even know what mine were.
Originally Posted by
codeflayer 
The issue is how to handle her budget. .........It's a tough call.
Yes it is. I tried every which way from Sunday, for years, to figure out how to manage this issue. There is no good solution. There were dozens and dozens of budgets and plans, 'allowances' and agreements.
Originally Posted by
smacked Honestly, as an addict and alcoholic in recovery, it never really mattered if I had the money for my high.. I still got it, one way or another.
And that is the truth of the matter. A grocery store and gas station card works to buy beer just as easily as it does to buy food and gas. So I bought all the groceries. My partner was home with the kids all day while I was at work, I would come home and do supper, homework, baths, and the night time routine (alone usually), and when everyone was asleep - I'd go back out to the grocery store. How insane is that? I bought all the gas. I took care of the bills.
I would respectfully suggest that you take some quiet time to really reflect on the core issue. Your wife is an alcoholic. Give some thought to what that means in your life, how you want to move forward etc. Then determine your next steps. I put all my energy into figuring out the next clever 'work around' when dealing with individual symptoms of living with an alcoholic but I never took the time to figured out what to do about 'living with an alcoholic.' They talk about alcoholics hitting their bottom - well codies have one too. I hit mine and I look back and wish I'd have caught on with one of the bounces instead of needing the rock bottom thud.