Originally Posted by
Learn2Live 
If the best he can do as a parent in this situation, as you describe, is provide a proxy parent to act on his behalf, then that may actually be the BEST he is ever going to be able to do. Can you accept that? Is there any thing you can do to change that?
In his own home, that is the best he can do a lot of times, and my daughter thinks so too-- when they're getting along, I hear about the positive interactions my daughter has with the GF while "Dad sits all night in the basement at the computer." No, I can never make my aexh step up to the plate as a parent (or in any other way). Sometimes he does of his own accord, but not consistently.
But I can do something to prevent the proxy parent from becoming the primary parent.